On Goals and Wishes...

December 10, 2013

I was looking through some of my writings from this past summer and I came across a entry that I had wrote that was in the form of a wish list. I bring it up now because we are immersing ourselves in that season that inspires wishes and resolutions and reflection, and I thought that I would share with you all some of my own goals and aspirations. 

Also, I would just like you all to know, dear audience, that in terms of progress I have already accomplished numbers four and twelve on this list, which fortifies my resolve and gives me hope that maybe some of the other items aren't so unattainable after all.

From an entry on August 11, 2013...

You know, it’s strange sometimes. I realize that we are supposed to condition ourselves to not getting exactly what we want. I think it would be slightly unhealthy for a person to spend all their time wishing to be someone they’re not, for things they don’t have, for things that cannot happen. And yet sometimes, I feel like we need to allow ourselves some time to ruminate on all those things that we wish for, the times that we dream of, the things we wish we had. Maybe that would give us a little bit more purpose in our life, a little more direction to our day. And so occasionally, I dip into the wellspring of my desires and wallow in my dreams, if only for a little while. I guess today is just one of those days. 

And so, in keeping with the traditions of childhood and a lifetime with organized family shopping, I have decided to make a wish list. Some of the things on my wish list can be easily given as birthday presents or small favors; some of the things are slightly more intangible. And some shall probably never happen, at least not in the near future. But that’s okay, because we are allowed to dream beyond our limitations, our expectations, and our qualifications. So, without further prevarication, here is my wish list, at this point in my life, of all the things I desire deep in my soul. 

Paige’s Wish List

1. Chacos. I have always wanted a pair of chacos. Sturdier than flip flops yet better ventilated than tennis shoes. And accompanied by epic tan lines. 
2. A tea rack or display case of some sort for my vast collection of tea. Somehow it seems criminal to possess such a fantastic array of tea and have it be confined to a dusty kitchen cupboard. I want to be able to openly peruse the entirety of my collection, and let others do so as well. 
3. A collection of audiobooks. The impetus for this impulse was the excerpts from Eloisa James’ (or Mary Bly, whichever you prefer) Paris in Love memoirs on her website. But I want to amass an entire collection, which I can listen to in the car on drives or put on a stereo in the tub. To hear all of these wonderful worlds in the voice of a stranger. There is an inexplicable appeal to that which I find desirable. 
4. Someday I would like to have a henna tattoo. One which is intricate and elegant, most probably on my ankle and leg. Do I want a permanent tattoo? No way. I am much too fickle to be able to pick a single design to have on my body for my entire life. Yet there is some attraction in the concept of having an image wrapped around my body, an intimate embrace between me and my ideas, for the entire world to see.
5. A date. I would like for someone to ask me out on a date. A fun, relaxing, easy date where I don’t have to worry about expectations or appearances, where I can spend time with someone just because I want to get to know them. I don’t want to seriously date them, or worry about them making a move on me when I’m not comfortable with it. I just want someone to think that I’m interesting, and take the time to get to know me. To reassure me that yes, someone is paying attention. 
6. I want to get my cartilage pierced so I can wear those earrings that connect to the regular piercing and the cartilage piercing. Also, I want to put a hoop in my ear like a pirate.
7. Someday, I would like to have permanently clear skin. So I can touch my face without feeling like a Braille book and wash my face without any pain. That would be a wonderful thing. And it saddens me when some people can’t appreciate the boons they have been granted. 
8. I need to get some new heels for dancing. The soles are peeling off my current heels, and I fear that in the near future they will need replaced.
9. I want to cuddle with someone. Snuggle. Whatever you choose to call it. I just want… someone to sit on the couch and watch a movie with. Someone to put their arms around me and play with my hair. To hold me on their lap and hold me tight. Afterwards, I’ll probably want to crawl under a rock and die, but at this point, I really just want to cuddle with someone, and my cat just isn't cutting it.
10. For many years now, it has been a dream of mine to have a professional back massage. Not for any medical purposes, or because my back is aching or out of place. I just really want the total relaxation and comfort that comes from a legit back massage. Without me having to do anything in return. Can you imagine how wonderful that would be? To get a back massage and know that no one is expecting one in return? 
11. Nothing sounds as sweet right now as peace of mind. Free from worries of school, family expectations, housemates’ needs and social engagements. No nagging little thoughts in the back of your mind prodding at your conscience. 
12. I want two cats. I realize that they are extra work, and less space, and more than a little adjustment. But it also means two cats to play with, to watch grow, to love. And there is nothing I love so much as loving animals. 
13. An antique desk. I can see it in my mind now. A small, elegant, little desk at which I can sit down and work on my homework or answer my correspondence. A little place all my own that lets me sit up and face the day, encouraging me to live my life to the fullest, bolstered by the craftsmanship and loving care that went into the construction of the desk made so long ago. How delightful to have that many years supporting you and holding you up.
14. One of these days, I am going to order elaborate, personalized stationary. I will save it for extenuating occasions, and when I sit down to write on it, I will know that what I am writing is memorable and important, and thought through with care.
15. I would love to have a day bed.  How quaint would it be to have your afternoon nap on a day bed?