Winter Bicyclists.

January 30, 2014

I have a deep loathing for winter bicyclists.

I understand that you are trying to be "green" and not use fossil fuels. In fact, in the summer all you bipedalers make me feel a little guilty for driving around in my 15-20 mpg truck. But in the winter? That's a whole other kettle of fish. 

First, you must be crazy to be thinking of trying to ride a bicycle on snow-packed, icy roads. It looks plain dangerous. I don't care how beefy your tires are or how many zip ties you put on said tires. It still looks as scary as heck when I see one of you guys pedaling down the road after the snowplow...

Second, because of aforementioned snowplow, the roads are much narrower than they typically would be. Which means that if one of you conscientious bicyclists is pedaling down the road, I can't fit around you! I have to go 10 mph waiting for the other lane to clear before I am able to drive the actual speed limit. I'm pretty sure that traveling under the speed limit by a significant enough amount to clog traffic is just as bad as speeding. You might even be able to be ticketed for it. 

Third, if you are going to undertake this dangerous (and extremely inconvenient) task, try to devote some attention to it. I was driving to my aikido class today, running that slim ridge between slightly early and almost late (depending on parking) when I got stuck behind one of these said bicyclists. Not only was he in the middle of my lane, going abominably slow, but he was also simulataneously TALKING ON HIS CELL PHONE. How does that song go again? I can ride my bike with no handlebars... No handlebars... On an icy road. I can ride my bike with no handlebars. With my cellphone on. On a snow-packed road. 

I'm pretty sure that is how that song goes.

So today, bicyclists beware, because if I hadn't been running late for class I would have had that cell phone using, crazy bicyclist mounted on my hood. 

Oh, and want to know what else? It's illegal where I live for you to use any handheld device (like a cell phone...) while driving within city limits. Yeah. The world is just retarded today.

Stuck in Love

January 28, 2013

Today I want to share with all of you my new obsession. I was watching a movie on Netflix last week called Stuck in Love. The movie is about a family where the parents have divorced but the father refuses to believe that the wife is not going to come back to him. His belief is so strong that he even sets a place for his ex-wife at the dinner table every Thanksgiving. This obsession has some very significant effects on both of his children, making the eldest daughter very cynical and promiscuous and the younger son a marijuana user and introvert. 

Now, I'm not going to give you a point by point of the whole plot, because that is really not the purpose of this post. What I wanted to talk about was one of the songs that is in the movie. It is played by one of the supporting characters, the guy that is trying to get the cynical daughter to actually date him rather than having a one night stand. The guy and the daughter are on a date (one that he incidentally had to bargain for/trick her into) and comparing favorite songs. She, of course, likes a Beatles song. The guy says that his favorite song is Between the Bars by Elliot Smith, and then proceeds to play it for her. It has become my new obsession. So, without further ado... 

Between the Bars- Elliot Smith

On Sunny Mondays...

January 27, 2014

On days like today, when the sky is clear and the sun is shining, I find myself overcome with a sense of surreal calmness. Walking between classes, my stride conveys a sense of purpose and fulfillment. So let me share with you some of my grand thoughts for today.

1. Did you know that there apparently exist out there, in the wide world, such things as Tree Medics? It's true. I'm not certain of the exact nature of their job, but while driving back to my apartment this afternoon I passed a car going in the other direction that said, "Arbor Medic" on its side. I wonder who would call a paramedic service for their trees? "Excuse me, yes, I am calling about my dogwood in the front yard. It's looking a little droopy today, I'm afraid its roots might have taken up something they shouldn't have... How fast can you be here?" Ridiculous.
2. I think that it might be possible that I am a good person. Despite the fact that my roommate and I are having a passive-aggressive spat at the moment, I still park on the street rather than taking the sole parking spot in the driveway. This is significant because my roommate had surgery a little over a month ago and still has to use crutches. I also abhor parking on the street (see previous posts about cracked windshields and falling tree branches). Ergo, ipso facto, I must be a good person, at least a little bit, to continue parking on the street despite our fight. Sometimes I wish I wasn't so nice. 
3. I plan quite soon to acquire an Aero Garden and proceed to grow herbs in my room. Any thoughts, dear audience? I was thinking basil, and parsley, and possibly some cat nip, depending on how affectionate I am feeling towards my felines in a week. This feeling of affection has the possibility to fluctuate depending on the number of chair scratches and door mewlings I am forced to endure.
4. A Black Forest Ham and Swiss cheese panini is the most delicious type of grilled sandwich to eat after having skipped both breakfast and lunch. It also is a surprisingly good complement to hot coco.

I wish you all a sunny Monday, dear audience.