The First Snow of the Season

November 20, 2013

I've noticed a gradual shifting of the posting time of my blog during the past few days. I apologize for this, dear audience. Maybe some small part of my mind is rebelling against this daily habit and pushing the posting back further and further until I am right on the border of breaking my resolution. 

This isn't something new, I fear. It might be possible that it stems from my fear of commitment, whether in relationships or resolutions. Or it might be a reflection of my fear of failure. I have to admit, I am quite pleased with some of my posts from this past week, and it is hard to press publish on a blog post that I feel is inferior to my prior efforts. And yet, I don't think I can handle the pressure to write progressively better blog posts.

So, if you would be so kind, oh audience of mine, I would like your permission to fail. Not continually, I assure you; just every once in a while. Once in a while let me write a post that you can look at and think, "Wow, this is a load of crap. And you graduated high school English?" Let me have a crappy post that won't drive you away from this blog forever, dear audience, just every once in a while. I admit, these crappy posts might possibly be concentrated into a period of successively crappy posts, but just bear with me on it, because I swear that I will eventually come back with something that is worth reading. 

Now on to bigger, better, and wetter things. Like the fact that the first snow of the year has finally come. Okay, maybe that's not precisely true. It has indeed already snowed this season. However, being from Montana, I refuse to count a snowfall that doesn't bring out the snowplows. If I counted all of those snows, Montana's winter would last from September to June. Which is just too depressing for me to contemplate. 

Let me tell you a little bit about a true "first snow."

• For one, it has to be snowing hard enough that the entire front of your jacket is white by the time you manage to walk to class. It also has to be sticky and wet enough to keep your jacket vaguely damp for the next 4-5 hours. 
• It is a given that the snowplows will be out on the roads, along with a plethora of ice (because seriously, when does road maintenance ever truly get rid of ice?) and an abundance of sand that does little to nothing for the traction on your tires. 
• If you don't have to shift into 4-wheel drive or commandeer the help of your roommate to push your vehicle out of the driveway, it is not a true "first snow."  
• If you can still see the dead grass and dog poop in your front yard, it hasn't snowed hard enough yet.
• After a true "first snow," you will have resigned yourself to having ice coating some part of your vehicle until approximately mid-April. (You are exempt from this qualification if you park your vehicle in an actual garage. Lucky bastard.)
• During the snowfall, you will have seen no less than 3 minor car accidents on your way to class/work/home/the grocery store. This number is doubled if you live in a college town where you have a whole bunch of Californians and Floridians pretending like they know how to drive in winter conditions. (It's strange how many Floridians Montana actually attracts... I'm pretty sure if I grew up in Florida, I would only be vaguely aware that Montana even existed.)
• Most importantly, the true "first snow" of the season will mark the end or significant reduction of both bicyclist and pedestrian traffic on the roads. This is negated if you live in a college town. Apparently kids in college get a kick out of sending motorists into cardiac arrest by choosing to ride their flimsy bicycles down the middle of a recently-snowed-on-and-unplowed road. At dusk no less. One of these days, my cat-like reflexes won't be enough to save you, you crazy hippie, and I will have gained an elaborate and unwanted new hood ornament.