It Was Bound To Happen Eventually...

December 7, 2013

It finally happened.

Okay, so maybe it happened way before I thought it was going to happen, but I'm still saying that I called it. I fell off the wagon.

Of course, as soon as I fell off the wagon I decided that I was going to commit to falling off that wagon. Which is why, dear audience, this is coming to you approximately one week after my last post. If I was gong to screw up my self-imposed resolutions, then dammit, I was going to screw up. No half-assed screwing up for this blogger. No sirree. 

On the metaphor of the wagon though, I just have to share with you all an extremely amusing conversation I had with my sister about halfway through my week of slacking off on this blog. It kind of went something like this....

Sister: You are getting really far behind on your blog!!! (Notice the multiple exclamation points...)

Me: Sorry, fell off the wagon for a while :) (Note the ingratiating smiley face meant to convey my sheepish grin of shame)

Sister: A while being FIVE days... That's quite a while to be off the wagon. I'm pretty sure if you were a settler on the Oregon Trail you'd already be a pile of bleached white bones...

Me: Dude, no. I'd have joined the Indians by now. No need for wagons.

Sister: The snakes and coyotes would've already got you. Face it. Your blog life is nothing but a mere warning for future promising bloggers.

Me: Ouch. No holds barred there.

Sister: Can't blame me. Been waiting for a while ;) Leaves me time to look for good word choice and stinging comments. And you made a promise to to yourself so nothing should I say should be as hurtful as your own disappointment in yourself... Just saying ;) 

(I would like to make a note here that when she includes those winky faces in her text messages I can picture in my mind the exact smug grin that's on her face while she's texting this. And it makes me want to growl like a grizzly bear that just got shot in the face with a can of pepper spray. So, Sister, if you're reading this right now.... Grrrrrrrrrr.............)

Me: What are you, my therapist? (This was not one of my better days...)

And from there the conversation deteriorated into subjects that aren't quite as amusing as our extended "falling off the wagon" metaphor. But I would just like to add, in the spirit of Thanksgiving and Christmas and all those warm and fuzzy holiday feelings, that I am extremely grateful to be part of a family that gets me well enough to extend my metaphors throughout our entire conversation and still manage to bicker with me while doing it. 

Speaking of Thanksgiving, how was mine, you ask? Fantastic. Busy. But fantastic.

I'm not going to bog you down with a whole bunch of details, but I'll just say in passing that I managed to exchange a boatload of family gossip (why else do you gather for holidays?), play two games of pickup hockey (one with legit equipment and skates and one with a rock for a puck and tree branches for hockey sticks; I'll let you guess which one was more fun. Here's a hint: I am abysmal at ice-skating), I got my windshield replaced, I went to the movie theater more than I should have, I went dancing on Black Friday rather than going shopping, and I even managed to sleep in one day. 

Oh! I also have an update. Remember my story about getting stalked on the interstate by a truck full of college kids? Turns out that I actually knew the driver (who I didn't manage to catch a glimpse of the entire time), and the whole "stalking" incident was simply him honking his horn and trying to wave to me. Yep. Majorly embarrassing. Maybe I should stop taking these long car trips with only my cat for company... I think I might be becoming a little strange...

Oh. Last point. I so did not hear him honking his horn. So, in my defense, it totally seemed creepy and not at all like he was trying to get my attention. I even got him to admit that his horn is old and not very loud. So there. 

Here's to hoping that it will be a while before I fall off the wagon again. I definitely don't want to become snake and coyote fodder. Although, I'm still of the opinion that I would have joined up with the Indians and become a warrior with my very own war pony. Just saying.